


Alone or Not

by Crimenationlove



Category: Loveless
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-23
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-08-24 05:45:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8359483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crimenationlove/pseuds/Crimenationlove
Summary: Claire is used to being by herself. Ritsuka one day notices her and does not want to leave her alone.Discontinued.





	1. hapter 1: I met him……

I was walking into the school grounds wearing my uniform; Black long skirt that reached 2 inches off my knees, white shirt, white socks, and blackish-brown shoes we all girls were forced to wear, when I looked around to see if anyone was on school campus. I saw a couple boys with their arms around their girlfriend's shoulders. Oh, boys also had to wear the same uniform but with black pants instead of skirts that reached to their shoes. *Imagine boys wearing skirts* Ewwww!!, I thought.  
It's winter so everyone had to wear long clothes. I entered the classroom without not getting stared at. I was the only one in the school that had no friends. I was used to it after all because I decided not to have anymore friends after kindergarten when my bff did something that didn't make me ever trust people again.  
*Flash back*  
"Come on Claire-chan!" she yelled behind her.  
"I'm trying!" I yelled as I ran to catch up to her. I was out of breath that summer from running my hardest and hoped after that I wouldn't have to run again that summer.  
"You did it!" she yelled again smiling down at me.  
*End flash back*  
I'm never going to have friends ever again, I said to myself as I sat in the front row of the class room. We've been in school for the past 10 weeks and I always sat up front because no one sat in the front because the teacher would catch people doing things they weren't suppose too.  
*In the office*  
"Come on Ritsuka-kun, this way to the classroom," Mrs. Young said as she led Ritsuka to the classroom.  
"Alright," he said as he smiled walking out of the office into the hallway and heading toward the classroom.  
I saw him walk into the classroom smiling. He looked towards the class and smiled at me. He seemed like he smiled at me that I actually kinda blushed because of it. He walked in front of the class facing the class still smiling.  
I thought he was kinda freaking me out at first, but it didn't really throw me off guard till later that day.  
Anyway, he was wearing the same boy uniform boys wore at school and he was at least 12 inches taller than me from my eyes. His eyes were brown and seem kinda perfect in every way possible. His hair was black but looked blue at the same time to me.  
"This is Ritsuka-kun! He just moved here last week and I would like you all to treat him as one of us," Mrs. Young said smiling as she introduced him to the class as she was writing his name on the board.  
"Nice to meet you all!" He said looking at everyone….but when he saw me he stopped. He just stared at me that got me nervous and really got me kinda pissed for no reason.  
I stood up and walked out of the classroom. My brown hair that was 2 inches above my waist and waved as I walked out.  
"Claire-san! Where are you going?" Mrs. Young asked as she walked out the room as well. "Is everything ok?" she asked walking up to me and almost put her hand on my right shoulder when I stopped her.  
"Everything is ok. I just forgot to grab something in my locker," I said trying not to worry her.  
Mrs. Young knew it was a lie yet she pretended it was true. "Ok but come back, ok?" she said. She knew sometimes I would skip class but I got straight A's anyway.  
"Ok," I said kinda pretending to give her a promise that she probably didn't know I wouldn't keep.  
I walked away and kinda stalled till Mrs. Young left to go into the classroom to head towards the roof. The roof was kinda special to me because I loved to go outside. You could say I'm like a cat because I climb things when I'm outside and love it.  
When I reached the roof I took a deep breath and headed towards the edge. I loved looking down at things because it looked like they were ants to me. I smirked and wondered if I could jump from the roof to one of the trees but that was just a dream of mine. I spent the 1st three classes on the roof and it was time for lunch.  
*Lunch time*  
I had my lunch with me when I left the classroom when Mrs. Young came in the room. I thought I wouldn't have to see the transfer student again today, yet I was wrong. He knew where I was and that kinda creeped me out a bit. He had a bento with him and when he saw me he smiled at me.  
What's wrong with this guy?! Why is he always smiling at me?!, I asked myself and made a weird face while he sat down next to me on my right and I didn't notice it till it was too late.  
"Hi! Nice to meet you again!" he said grabbing my left hand and shaking it.  
"Uh…..hi," I said kinda to keep my cool yet my voice showed that I was creeped out.  
"Why did you run out of the class room?" he asked curious that kinda made him sad is what I thought when he said it.  
"I-I-I-I go places! I-Is that a problem?" I said stuttering a little.  
"No," He started, "it's just I thought you didn't like me."  
"I'm different than others but I don't hate people that much."  
"Oh."  
For the first time since kindergarten I thought he was my best friend that really wasn't scared of getting next to me……


	2. Chapter 2: Are we actually friends?

It was kinda weird when he faced me that way. I mean not in a bad way but in a weird feeling way. He smiled after our awkward conversation.  
When lunch was over he grabbed my left hand and it seemed like he was protecting me as he held my hand and walked me from the roof to the classroom. Everyone was staring at us and it made me nervous. When I meant everyone was staring I meant EVERYONE was staring at us. I wasn't really happy at all about that. I mean it was like after so many years of being not noticed it was freaking me out. He lead me to my seat and sat next to me STILL holding my hand. I really wanted to snatch my hand away, but for some reason I just couldn't, if I did I thought I would fall to pieces and his hand seemed so warm….so right. When class started he still didn't let go of my hand. I kinda started smiling to myself that soon really creeped the hell out of me. I never smiled and I wasn't going to stop now. I really didn't pay attention to what Mrs. Young was saying and wanted to get out as soon as possible before anyone would find out anything about me. If they did my life would be over and I would have to move far, far away so that I who ever crossed my path wouldn't know me.  
When class was over Ritsuka held my hand in the halls to get to the exit so we could leave the building. I had to ask him and I wanted to know the answer now before he led me any further.  
"Why do you want to be friends with me?" I asked looking down, "I'm not like other people! I don't know what will happen if you get to close to me! If you do something bad might happen! And I don't know what it means to be friends with anyone!" For the first time in my life after kindergarten I yelled and wanted to cry my heart out to anyone who would listen or was close to me.  
Everyone once again stared at me like I had gone crazy and I needed to be put in a straight jacket. But I really didn't care at all. I wanted to know the truth and I finally said something with all my heart that seemed like I was crying like the first day I was born into this world.  
"What do you mean? No one wants you to be friends with you? That's so mean of them," he started and pushed me through the exit door to the school grounds, "I wanna be your friend and I'm not scared of being your friend. No matter what I'll stick by your side and be there for you no matter that," he finished smiling at me innocently.   
As we were walking out of the school grounds I felt happy, nervous, embarrassed, stressed, pooped out, and other emotions in a day and I thought that for the first time in my life that I can show these feelings that I've never done before with someone by my side.  
When we were out of the school grounds I walked home in my direction but to find out that he was following me. Oh, boy! Is he stalking me now?, I thought after we stopped holding hands.  
"Uh, see you tomorrow," I said to him and walked off.  
"Bye!" he waved and smiled.   
I started walking again. But he was still following me.  
I turned around. "May I ask why you're following me?" I asked getting kinda freaked out more than I already was.  
"I live around here," Ritsuka said looking around until he stopped. "Here's my house!" he said more excited.  
I turned to the direction he was staring at and I found out that he lived right next to my house! "You live next to my house!" I said in shock not in excitement.  
"Yay!" he yelled and grabbed me by my shoulders and ran across the street.  
For the next hour had to take care of him because his parents didn't want him in the house and destroying anything. I mean can he take care of himself? Are they treating him like he's 5 years old?   
For a whole day we'd been in the kitchen doing homework, but he still looked around the house like he was in a daze.  
When we were done with our homework I told him he could get something to eat and drink then head to my room. My parents said to keep the door open like you see in movies and they think their child when they had the opposite gender over that they have been sexually active. So I kept the door open.  
Ritsuka seemed very nervous, shy, and excited in my eyes when he got into my room. I really wanted to laugh because he sat like a gentleman and put his hands on his lap.   
My room wasn't big but you could say it was medium size. My room had black and pink walls, red curtains, and a sleeping bed that was army green, books in 12 different languages and all kinds of genres, and my clothes in a black drawers.  
"You don't have to be like that," I said heading to my only window in my room putting my butt and legs on the railing looking outside watching the birds pass by wishing that I were them flying free to where they wanted to go.  
"Ok," he said staring at me not getting out of that gentlemen sitting position.  
When I looked at him he seemed sad once again and wishing he would stop giving me that look of his that seemed to me that made me be controlled by him.  
"We're going out to get some dinner! Don't come along!" my dad yelled from the front door. He's my dad, named Devon Smith. He may seem nice at first but he's actually really mean. I'll tell you later about when he gets mad. He works for the FBI and doesn't kid around about his job.  
My mom, Alexandra Smith, who is really nice, but doesn't talk much. My mom, who's 2 years younger than my dad and had me after 2 years of marriage.   
After they left I looked at Ritsuka. He had a smirk on his face. I gave him a questioning look, and he still had that smirk on his face that creeped me out.  
"So, we're alone," he started smirking like an idiot, "We don't have to keep the door open anymore, so why don't we talk with the door closed."  
"No thank you. I'm going outside, do you wanna go?" I said raising an eyebrow at him and walking to the door.  
"Ok," he said excitedly.  
So we walked outside, but once we did he had to go back home and leaving me there at 8:32 at night so cold like a freezer, and I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt that I changed in my room before Ritsuka came to my room.  
I thought that this really wasn't fate of friendship that god had sent me in this world of nothing but darkness on the path I walk on.


	3. Chapter 3: Why was it you?

I was walking to school I saw a couple guys making out with their girlfriends. Ewwww!!! Boys are so gross and weird these days!!, I thought. I wasn't AT ALL in a good mood after that. For some reason it reminded me of Ritsuka and I of course immediately got that idea out of my head. I wasn't going to start something gross and perverted like those awful boys!  
I really didn't want to see Ritsuka after that. We would have an awkward silence and he would want to talk to me while I would be too freaked out to talk to him. I looked left to right to make sure he wasn't walking up to me.   
"Hey!" he yelled.  
I was so not happy with him yelling from behind me.   
I quickly did a scream that sounded a lot like a mouse would make.  
"Why'd you scream?" he asked looking confused and a little worried.  
I didn't know it at the time, but later on I learned why he made that kind of face.  
"Nothing, just kinda freaked out for a second when you sneaked behind me," I said trying not to crack my voice, yet my voice cracked.  
"Ok, I guess… anyway time for school!" Ritsuka said and grabbed my arm and we ran (well he did most of it) to the school doors and into the classroom.  
*1 and a half hour of lessons*  
Can I leave now? This is really boring and I hate it sooooo much!!! I wanna go on the roof and take a nap now, I thought as Mrs. Young was going onto math.   
*Lunch time*  
"Finally lunch!!" I yelled as I ran out the door and headed towards the roof. But I was the only one to beat others in running and he out ran me!! I was really surprised and shocked almost falling backwards but I caught myself before I would go any farther. I some day had to beat Ritsuka in running.  
Lunch really wasn't that bad really. I finally got someone to talk to on the roof about things I wouldn't be able to tell anyone about. Like how I felt when I was younger before and after about my friend, but of course not telling about her at all. Ritsuka understood and for some reason he got closer to me and I didn't notice till his right hand was on my left hand.  
*After school*  
I really wasn't down today after school like usual. Usually I would feel like punching Ritsuka for talking so much about what his mom makes for him, but today I was too tired to do anything or think of doing anything to him. We talked on the way home and said what jobs we wanted to get after college of if we could.  
When we reached our houses we said goodbye and headed into the houses we lived in.  
My parents are different than others, I really meant it. I was not really ready after having a sorta good day to have my parents ruining it. My dad was cussing like you couldn't believe! He said that it was my fault for him suffering at work and that it was my fault that my mom didn't want sex with him. She said it was because she didn't trust condoms because they had me when they used protection. I guess I wasn't in their god damn plan! Only caring for what they look like on the outside then on the inside! I couldn't hold back my scream; even I thought the neighbors could hear it!  
"Is that all I am to you!! Just there for showing that we're some happy family!! You guys could've given me to someone else!! I could've been happy then depressed right now!! I wish I was never born!!" I yelled. I couldn't believe it!! I screamed and felt better than I ever had before!! But something that totally not was expected coming from my own father's lips.  
"Really?! We clothed and sheltered you! Then if you wish you were never born than how about you're not part of this family anymore! Pack up your clothes and leave in an hour and find someone who really wants to have a goth child in their lives! I hope you find hell when you get out there and I don't want you to ever come back ever again! We don't want to see your face!" he yelled back.   
He was like the devil. He scared me like there was no way I was really going to be loved by anyone. That's when I knew that I shouldn't love anyone or let anyone love or hang out with me. After all the only thing I ever brought was depression to anyone I cross. I had to give up the feelings I had for that person who didn't run away from me. And I had to hurt him so he didn't give me back the love feeling and that he wouldn't ever want to talk or hang out with me ever again, I was going to have to do it hard or I knew my feelings for him with make me want him more than ever before.  
That night I packed everything and my mom screaming saying she didn't want me to leave. She said she loved me and she also said if I left then she would leave with me.  
I stopped her, "Mom, I know you love me but that bastard is right. No one would love someone like me. After all I bring misfortune to anyone like a black cat. I have to go by myself, and only by myself. Please understand," I said almost crying. I was done packing after I said the last word and I still had 32 minutes left till I had to leave. My mom hugged me and wished me luck still holding onto me. I hugged back and told her if she still lives to be around her 90 and that man wasn't there anymore I would take care of her for the rest of her life. She only nodded and tears streamed down her face.  
I said goodbye and closed the door of my no longer home and said that I would never return to a non-loved home ever again. I looked at Ritsuka's house hoped he wasn't watching me. I didn't want him to take me in and said I could live with him and his family. So I walked not knowing where I would be going. I knew I wasn't going to school because my so called dad would say I was dropping out and not coming back, so I would do what was expected.  
6 hours in and I hadn't slept or even found a place to sleep at all. My clothes in a bag that I got for a sale at a store called "Forever 21."  
Another 6 hours in and still haven't found a place to sleep or got any. School would start in the next 4 hours and everyone would get the news that I was "dropping out" and everyone except Ritsuka would care. I imaged what he'd look like when he would find out. Scared? Worried? Upset? I didn't know and that made me want to see it more. All the faces of his that I hadn't seen yet. I wanted to see the one I loved wanted me to be by his side and not wanting me to leave him at all.  
That's when I knew, I loved him. I didn't know where I was and wanted him to come find me and hold me like everything was ok. I wanted to give up those feelings; I decided to give them up to make him have someone who was worthy. I guess that I didn't want anyone to have him. I guess I'm selfish.  
I couldn't take it anymore, my legs were tired and so were my eyes. I feel asleep under a big tree and woke up to find it was raining. The tree protected me mostly, but the wind picked up. I forgot to put in my bag a rain jacket so I was really freezing. I thought in my sleep that day, mostly what Ritsuka was doing. All I was thinking about was him again. God, he really affected me. I mean I don't think of anyone more than once a day or week, but Ritsuka was on my mind every second of everyday since we've met. I didn't know that I would actually love someone, but of course I was probably over 300 miles away from him. I had to start over and think of my future, by myself. But all of a sudden I dreamed of Ritsuka being my husband; caring, funny, supportive. I woke up and looked around. I didn't want anyone to find out that I was blushing like a mad woman.  
I checked my watch after what seemed like 2 days, but was only 6 hours. It was 7:19 and I heard footsteps on the sidewalk. I looked up and saw what seemed like Ritsuka. I wanted to believe it, yet at the same time I really didn't. I shook my head, and found out it was a couple that was staring at me. They looked like I had something wrong with me.   
After what seemed like an hour they walked away whispering things I couldn't hear. I felt kinda violated after that. I wanted someone there and I wanted Ritsuka to be there for me and everything.  
*With Ritsuka*  
"I couldn't believe it! She dropped out of school!! Why?! Did I do something?" I kinda yelled on top of my lungs on the way home. I wanted to see her so bad, and she wasn't there! I wanted to know why she suddenly quit school. I wanted to hold her and say I was going to be by her side forever. I had to find her, I just had to, so I told my parents that I'd not be home because I was going to look for her. I just knew something was up and I was going to find her and find out what it was.


	4. Chapter 4: Can we see each other again?

It's been one month since I've seen the man I love. I keep thinking he'll never was going to find me. I wanted to turn back, but I didn't want to see that damned father of mine who disowned me. I pray that when he goes somewhere like a dessert or something that the car stops and no one cares to help him or no one looks for him.  
"You must be starving if you're wearing so much stuff!" some lady said looking up at me while we were both going across the street.   
"Yea, I've been traveling," I said smiling kinda putting one of my hands on the back of my head.  
"I'm heading to my house, would you like to stay with me for a while?" she asked smiling as we were crossing.  
"No, it's fine. I don't want to be a burden," I said as we got onto the side walk smiling.  
"You won't. My husband died 4 years ago and my sons and daughter don't come to visit often," she started, "and you can call me Sue."  
"Thank you and you can call me Claire," I said. I was kinda amazed that she invited me stay at her house for awhile. No one ever asked to come over someone else's house before.  
When we got there she said I should change clothes because I was still wet from the rain since I hadn't changed clothes at all or even do anything at all because I was kinda embarrassed to change in front of others like boys. Sue also said that I might catch a cold if that keeps up. As I was changing Sue said she'd be making lunch for the both of us. I was kinda happy about that. I've never ate with someone other than Ritsuka.  
When I was done changing into my black pants and a black no sleeved shirt with a skeleton's head on it. I asked if I should help she said she didn't need any and I should sit down and wipe the water from my hair.  
"So why have you been traveling? You look like your 13 years old," Sue said as she got 2 bowls from a brown cabinet.  
"I'm 16. I really don't want to tell you why I'm traveling though. And how old are you? Not to be mean or anything," I asked kinda blushing as I was looking around. The house was kinda big and it looked really cool. Mostly colorful and the house had lots of art things around everything. It seemed like she cleaned up a lot than others.  
"Oh. It must be hard on you. I'm 35 and I have 3 kids. You can stay here as long as you want," Sue said as she was putting both bowls on the table.  
"I'll get the silverware. Where are they?" I said getting up and kinda wanted to help a little.  
"They're 2 drawers on the right of the stove," Sue said smiling.  
I got them and handed her a fork. She made hamburger helper and it was the nacho one, which was my favorite.  
"How long have you've been traveling?" Sue asked.  
"A month. My bastard of a father kicked me out of the house and I had to quit school because of him. I may be over now 300 miles away from him. But I think about someone who's very close to me that I haven't been able to see. I left the night when he said that he didn't want me anymore. I miss that special friend and I want to see him yet when I find that special family and grow up and then look for him when I become an adult," I said slipping out a lot of things I said I shouldn't have.  
"Must be tough on a girl like you. Being alone I know how you feel. I'll make a deal with you," started as she swallowed some food before she started again, "if you help me around the house I'll let you live here with me and you can go to school that's close to here. Deal?"  
I ate a little before I responded. It took me almost 2 minutes to answer. I had to think about what would happen if I did or didn't say yes. "Alright, that's a deal." I said smiling for what seemed like a while. "But, what kind of school is close to here?"  
"It's an all girl school. It's actually right across the street. So, how about it?" Sue said giving me a wink.  
I thought we were getting into things quickly but I wanted a real family even though I this might be my last chance but with this I had to take. "That sounds good! Is that ok? It must be a lot of money."  
"It's ok. I have the money. But it's going to be hard to get in. I hope you're really smart," Sue said smiling.  
We both had finished and she said that we can watch something. I thought again we were going to fast but she said it's to know what I like so we can get along. The living room was next to the kitchen. There were 3 couches. All black in a white room. A wide screen TV which was a Comcast product. I was going through channels to find one that I really loved. It was called "Vampire Secrets" that I watched over 100 times.  
When it was over she said she really like vampires yet she didn't want to be one.   
Sue took me to a room that she said was a guest room. She said I could have it and we would go shopping when I ace the test to going to that all girl school.  
*With Ritsuka*  
Why are you like this? Why did she leave me and quit school? It's been one month and I still haven't found you!! Where are you?! I wanna be there for you yet you won't let me. I'll find you and we'll live together. We'll make everything work out! Just give me a sign that you're ok and or that I can find you!  
I ran fast on every street running with all my power yelling your name yet no response at all. All I saw were couples holding hands and cars everywhere. I've searched everyday for a month even telling the police you've been missing. They said she'd turn up later because wouldn't have money to support herself. I wanted to see her so much that I would die to see her alive and well.  
My parents are helping me find Claire. We asked her family yet they didn't answer. Claire's dad just frowned and told his wife to get in the house. Claire's mom just cried, the three of us knew what might have happened. Claire's father kicked her out while her mom wanted to go with her and that Claire refused to have her mother come along with her because she knew that if her mom came with her, her father would come after them.  
My parents and I ended up 3,000 almost 4,000 miles away from the way we lived. There was an all girl school across from the street that we were on. We all fell to our feet on the side walk breathing in really hard because we ran for an hour. My parents are good runners because they aren't that old.  
*Back to Claire*  
I looked outside the house to see people breathing like crazy. I ran to get 3 towels from the bathroom, which was a Paris bathroom, and ran outside to give them the towels.  
"Here you three are. I saw you guys sweating so I thought its really hot so I'm going to let you guys use this to get the sweat off your faces," I said not looking at them yet passing them the towels.  
"Thank you," they all said in unison grabbing the towels and wiping off their sweat.  
I didn't notice at the time on who it was until Sue came and yelled out my name.  
"Claire!!" Sue yelled running like life depended on it.  
"What is it? Is something wrong?" I asked worriedly.  
"You got accepted to the all girls' school!!" Sue yelled happily.  
Ritsuka looked up and his face was shocked. "Claire!! There you are!! We missed you!!" Ritsuka yelled hugging me and crying at the same time.  
"Ritsuka! Mr. and Mrs. Hyuuga! What are you guys doing here?" I asked walking over to Sue.


	5. Chapter 5: He found me yet I can't be there for him right now

"Why are you here, Ritsuka?" I asked as I was now standing next to Sue.  
"To get you! I've been looking for you since you left! I was very worried and so was my family," Ritsuka said walking up to me and hugging me.  
Before I knew it his weight took over me and we both fell on the concrete still Ritsuka was holding me as my knees bleed from the fall. I was still in shock and wanting to cry but I just couldn't do it.  
"Come on in and make yourselves at home. I think we all should have a talk about this," Sue said as she looked at Ritsuka's parents.  
I got up still Ritsuka hugging me and ended up hugging him kinda back, walking up the stairs while the others followed behind us. Ritsuka hadn't looked up at me and my shirt was soaked from his tears but I didn't move away from him.  
We were all in the living room sitting. Sue and Ritsuka's parents were sitting on a red couch where 3 people at the same time could sit.  
Ritsuka and I were sitting on a couch that was a one-sitter. I was technically on the couch while Ritsuka was sitting on top of my lap still hugging me tighter this time. My knees were still bleeding so I grabbed a couple tissues and put them on my knees with pressure. For some reason when he was on my lap I felt like a Mob boss and like one of like hookers was sitting and obeying everything I was saying. I wanted to gag a little when I thought that. Ritsuka didn't weigh that much then I thought he would. Still while he was sitting it seemed like he was still taller than me. "Damn me for being short," I said to myself cursing my shortness.  
"So this is where you've been for a month," Ritsuka's mom said looking around trying to start the conversation.  
"I've been traveling most of the month. I just got here yesterday," I said correcting her. I hated when people come up with something and think it's right and I had to correct them.  
"I've been worried and looking for you," Ritsuka said shaking as he was trying to look in my eyes, but Sue interrupted before he got the chance to look in my eyes.   
"Maybe these two should go in the guest room and sort things out while I talk to the adults," Sue said seeing my sad expression because of guiltiness from leaving them.  
I grabbed the tissue boxes, took the tissues that had blood on them in my pants that were black with pockets, and grabbed Ritsuka like when a kid is hanging onto its parent's neck with the legs around them on the waist and walking into the room I was staying in, but glancing at Sue mouthing words "Thank you" then heading into the room I was using.  
When we walked in I put Ritsuka on the bed gently trying not to hit where he had his scrapes even though he had jeans that reached down to his shoes on. I grabbed a water bottle that was next to my bed just half an inch down from my bed and grabbed more tissues, and putting two of them together to make his scares hurt less. He made hurting sounds when the wet tissue touched his right knee when I put up his right jean sleeve or whatever it was called and rubbing the wet tissue around. Each hurting sound he made made me want to cry knowing that I got him hurt and depressed at the same time.  
Ritsuka didn't look at me and was frowning. His bangs covered his eyes but I knew that he wanted to cry but acting tough in front of me. "How long have you been looking for me?" I asked now getting to his left leg. I didn't look up at him because I knew he didn't want me seeing him crying.  
"I was w-w-worried. I thought you didn't want to see me anymore because I was around you a lot. I was scared that y-y-you hated m-me," Ritsuka said trembling and stuttering.  
Right there I wanted to cry. Say that it wasn't because of that. I wanted to hug him tight and say that it wasn't because of that and it was because of my parents. I wanted him to look at me and smile like the other times. I wanted him so much that I was ready to something crazy. "It…..wasn't because of you. I….It was……..because…m-my parents um…didn't really want me," I started, stuttering like crazy, "and my um dad said leave and I did. I didn't want to live in that house that has no love. I uh, I feel loved here and I don't want to go back to that place where no one really loves me at all," I finished looking up at Ritsuka and hoping that he understood what I was in during for years and finally got the freedom I wanted in life.  
"Y-You could've told me. Y-You could've come over to my house and stay with us! We've been looking for you for a month trying to find you! Not leaving a note or calling me! I was scared that you died or something!" Ritsuka yelled looking up at me and crying. His eyes were dark with bags under his eyes. It seemed he hadn't slept well since I left. His eyes also looked sad and heartbroken; as I was looking at his eyes I didn't expect anything until it was too late.  
Ritsuka started kissing me. I felt his tears on my cheeks and his lips were passionate and it seemed like they didn't want to break apart. I didn't want to kiss him back but my lips reacted. My lips kissed him back, my eyes closing, and my arms swinging around his neck, while Ritsuka's hands were placed on my hips. Ritsuka laid me down on the bed, sometimes letting in little air from underneath our lips. I wanted more and I knew he wanted more aswell, but someone knocked on the door. I was saved yet disappointed at the same time when we departed from that big make-out session.  
"Are you guys ok in there?" Ritsuka's mom asked through the door.  
We both were breathing deeply not replying. Ritsuka suddenly replied saying yea and that Ritsuka and I needed to talk a little bit more before we would leave the room. Ritsuka's mom said ok and left to go in the kitchen before telling us that cookies were waiting for us when we were ready.  
By that time I was blushing like crazy and didn't look at Ritsuka until he spoke to me.  
"Sorry that I suddenly kissed you like that. I don't know what came over me," he started, "Anyway, like I said; my family and I have been looking for you since I found out that you dropped out. What have you been doing?" he finished kinda blushing aswell.  
"Sleeping on the streets and just got here few days ago. Sue took me in. Sue is letting me stay here and go to an all girl school. She told me to start over on life and live with her," I said looking down on my fingers that were trembling from what happened between us.  
Ritsuka looked at me and moved closer giving me a hug and whispering something in my ear. I couldn't really hear anything except for that he'd be there if I needed it. Ritsuka got off the bed and opened the door saying let's get some cookies before they would eat them all.  
I kinda smiled and got up and walked out the door with Ritsuka right behind me. I wanted to hold his hand and kiss him again causing me to slightly blush from my perverted thoughts. We got to the kitchen and sat on the chairs that were at the table and I was looking at Sue who lifted one eye brow at me. I lipped the words help me when we sat down hoping that Sue could start a conversation while I would watch not wanting to talk after what happened.  
"So, you've been looking for Claire-chan?" Sue asked making me freeze and regretting for lipping those words to her.  
"Yea, I was pretty upset when she suddenly dropped out, thank you for letting her stay here," Ritsuka said trying not to cry again. He looked at me and it seemed that he wanted to hold my hand across the table.  
Before Sue could say anything else Ritsuka's parents came into the kitchen looking like they wanted to get out of here and take Ritsuka and I with them.  
"I think it's time for us to leave," Ritsuka's mom said putting a shoulder on Ritsuka who kinda flinched when she said it was time for them to go.  
"Yea, my boss is going to kill me if I miss anymore days than I already have. Claire you're coming with us," Ritsuka's dad said butting in and looking like he was upset.  
"I think she can live here as long as she wants without someone telling her what to do. She ran away from home and doesn't want to return. If she returned she would just run away again. It's up to her if she stays here or not. Will you protect her from the parents that treated her like toy that needs to be thrown away? If she did return she would want to be here in home of love instead of a home full of hate. She's never been used to parents that shared love. Claire-chan, stay here if you want, I'm not going to force you. But think; think if you went back what would your parents do? They might treat you as if you were just chess piece that needs to learn a lesson. Are you willing to go back there and be there puppet once again?" Sue said, she looked at me her eyes serious and seemed sad at the same time. It was like she wanted me to stay with her and only with her in the house.  
I looked down and thought for at seemed like 5 hours but only 13 minutes. "I want to live here instead of that cold home. I want to share these feelings with others instead of keeping them locked away just like back then at that time. I want to know what it's like to have friends than being alone. Ritsuka helped me share a little bit of those emotions and he was the first person not to run away from me. I want to stay here yet I want Ritsuka to be there for me too," I said putting my hands on my eyes and trying not to cry but at the same time it was useless.  
"I'll always be here for you Claire. When you need me I'll be there. I want to be there for you even though we're going to be apart. Don't worry you're never alone," Ritsuka exclaimed pointing his thumb at himself smiling.  
Oh god, I met weird person and he decided that he's going be there when I need him. I feel like I should punch him right now, I thought looking at him. He seemed like he wanted to stay here and be right there when I needed him most.  
"I promise to be there for you when you need it. I'll visit when I can," he said coming over to me and giving me a big hug. While he was hugging me he faced me so that none of them could look at any part of my body and kissed me. When he hugged me I didn't react, until that kiss which got me by surprise.  
I really wanted him not to do that because Sue saw and covered her mouth and kinda giggled trying to hide it.  
After that shock Ritsuka turned around and walked out, blushing the whole time. I ended up not going with them and ended up on the floor blushing like some idiot.  
"Um….that was awkward," Sue said breaking the silence and looking at me, blushing, and kneeling down next to me with a face of what seemed like amusement.  
"You telling me, I'm still exhausted still from the 5 times before and he made it worse, being very energetic makes me want to go back to sleep and never wake up," I said putting my left hand on my left eye, putting my head down in embarrassment. Then I whispered something that Sue couldn't hear, "but when he's there I'm happy," yet I bet she heard it, smiling and didn't want to make me more embarrassed as I already was.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
It's been a whole month since I've been at Sue's house and been to that all girl school. I didn't make any friends but I really didn't care. I'm also the one in the whole school who's had straight A+'s and known as the top student for the city. Teachers and the principal are trying to make me do the spelling bee that I had no interest in at all and they even talked to Sue about it. Of course, she refused and said that it was up to me about it.  
"Claire! You ok?" Sue asked shaking me from my thoughts. "Good, you scared me there for a second."  
"Sorry, my thoughts are taking over a little," I say looking at Sue from the TV I was watching.  
"It's ok, but try not to go over board and do that during classes," Sue said getting her purse that was next to me and heading to the door.  
"Have fun at work," I say waving at her as she walked out thanking me and saying what was in the frig for dinner to heat up.  
30 minutes later I was putting on my black jacket, under my black skirt with a red tank top that had the words "Suicide is like a confession" in black on the front and with a broken heart in black on the back. I put on my black high heels and headed out the door to head to the park to go on the swings.  
The swings aren't just any swings to me, they're like a place for me to relax and just think of things, like Ritsuka, which I had to admit really pissed me off on how the hell I fell in love with that weirdo. I really still didn't understand how the hell we became friends and how the hell he and I like each other. I mean, come on! All of a sudden he shows up in the class room from my old school and then turns my damn world upside down! How'd the hell did I even keep my emotions in control without him being so god damn go lucky! It sucked ass!  
I walked down from the house and headed over there thinking about Ritsuka and having flash backs from since we met till now. I really didn't like being away from him this long, and I knew he felt the same way. I just had to deal with it till break was over.  
I reached the park and saw that all the 10 swings were taken, so I sat at a bench that was by the swings so that if one got off I could get on. It took 30 minutes before I could get on one of them. Everyone in the park was leaving but I was the only one left behind.  
Since Sue worked at night on Thursdays I walk around and or head to the park just so you know.  
Anyway, I got on the 1st seat from the bench so I could sit on the bench if I felt like sitting down. Sometimes I feel sick while I swing, so I have to rest once in a while.  
After 28 minutes I started to feel sick so I stopped, like right on the mark when I stopped someone had come up behind me, not freaking me out which didn't seemed right at all to me.  
"It's been a while, hasn't it Princess Claire?" He whispered into my ear. I really didn't know the voice or the smell that was on him, I didn't even know what would happen next. All I knew was if I was going to get kidnapped I wouldn't run home, but away from it so that he wouldn't trap me in a corner.  
"Who are you?" I ask, feeling a bump into my throat. "What do you want with me? And, why the hell are you calling me a princess?!" I ask getting up from the swing quickly, and turned around the person in the shadow.  
"Well of course, you don't remember me, but you might remember……this," he said throwing an item I couldn't see and adding, "I'll see you in a month's time, if you cannot remember I'll bring you to a place I know that will make you remember who you really are!" he yelled the last part as he was running away from the park.  
"Who the hell was that creep?!" I asked myself under my breathe and headed home so I wouldn't have to deal with anymore weirdoes than I already have.


	6. Chapter 6: Because it was always you by my side

I really didn’t know what to do anymore after what happened that night. I hadn’t stepped foot at the park since that time. When its night the only thing I do is go out on the roof or sit by the window and look up at the stars thinking out things.  
“You seem to be in deep thought,” Sue said entering my room with a curious look on her face.  
“More than I thought than,” I said replying giving a sigh and looking up at Sue.  
“What’s wrong? It’s been a whole month when you started to space out more often,” Sue said laying on my bed with a blue cover and a white pillow on it. Sue stared up at the ceiling while I stared out the window again thinking of a reply that didn’t sound weird while feeling my throat go dry.  
“It’s really nothing. I’m just worried that…um…..I’m not going ace that big exam next week. I’ve been studying harder than ever and I still don’t think I’m gonna ace it,” I said, hoping she wouldn’t see through the lie, while turning to face her. I don’t know why, but I started praying she’d not think I was lying and I wouldn’t have to explain anything to her.  
Sue raised a brow, “Ok then, and if you need any help just get me.” She knew it was a lie.  
I turned my head back to the window and put my forehead on the window not wanting to look at Sue when she replied, yet was too late.  
“By the way, before I forget, Ritsuka sent you a letter. He doesn’t have cell right now, and his parents won’t let him use the home phone,” Sue said lifting her face and back from the bed and staring at me.  
“Thanks,” I said trying to hide my smile from excitement and then trying to hide how depressed I was that they wouldn’t really let him talk to me, at all.  
“I have to go to work now, I have to pick up an extra shift so we can travel to New Jersey to see my grandson next month,” Sue said smiling and heading to my door before leaving the envelope on the bed and shutting it softly and heading out the front door 3 minutes later.  
Please be something like he can come here soon or that he is moving here, something like that, something like that, I said to myself while closing my eyes, walked to the bed, picked it up, and ripping the envelope to get 2 different letters. But here’s something I didn’t want to see, out of the 2 letters was that one of the letters involved MY GODDAMN PARENTS and what they were doing and stuff like that, it was all about THEM. And the other letter was Ritsuka saying things about school and how much he missed hanging out with me, involving that we hang out later before I leave for New Jersey and even after too.  
Okay, before I could read ANY of the letters, I was already pissed as could be! I mean, come on! He knew how much I hated if ANYONE brought up the topic about THEM (my parents) in ANY way! I swear- if he comes here anytime soon I’m kicking his ass for sending that letter to me.  
But, I read it anyway, I was curious on what was going on at THAT house I hated so much. Wouldn’t you do the same? I mean, even if you hated the place and the people in it, you’d still want to know what the hell was going on- wouldn’t you? Well, anyway, I wanted to know what they were doing and how they were dealing with everything while I left. I hated the place, but I like I said- once you left, you wanna know what’s going on in their life after so long and all.  
So, I read all of it, all 2 things. I couldn’t help but make an angry face. It seemed they were HAPPY that I was gone from their lives! That just pissed me off even more than I already was! But when I read the last note, I wanted to cry. I had enough of everything after that. I couldn’t help but wonder what the hell was going on anymore. I didn’t care. I didn’t care at all.  
I left the house and I just ran, far, far, away for what seemed like hours, but only 15 minutes. I stopped, I panted and all my sweat suddenly felt like it was raining on me. But not only sweat, but tears too. I really wanted them to need me and I really wanted to see them. I didn’t know why the hell I was thinking that way. I just wanted run away from everything, but running away doesn’t solve anything, but I did it anyway.  
I ended up at the park, the same place where I was just days ago. I didn’t want to go back there, after what happened. I took what that person threw under the swing and it kinda looked cool- it was a crown with red & black diamonds and there was a picture of a family, two adults and a little girl playing with one boy who was taller than her, maybe older too.  
Anyway, I was there. But the thing I didn’t want to hear was HIS voice. But WHAT THE HELL?! HIS VOICE WAS NEXT TO MY F*CKING EAR!! NO WARNING AND JUST LIKE SOME CREEP- WAIT….HE IS A CREEP!!! I wanted to punch him in that goddamn head of his. I heard him saying that he wanted to talk to me and only me about this. He wanted to talk about those things he left for me under that swing.  
I turned to him and he said to follow him. As stupid as I was- I did. I regret doing that and I hate it so much. It felt weird and awkward just walking behind him. It felt like either I was going to die when we were going to where the hell he wanted me to go or that he was going to show me something.  
When we got there, there were grave stones everywhere. I felt I replaced Juliet from the anime series in that episode where her parents and other Capulet’s bodies were buried (Yes, I watch that- shut up about it!! Anime title: RomeoXJuliet). I saw all kinds of names….it scared me. I never have been to a grave site and never seen something like this, so it was my first time, which creeped me out more.  
“This is where a whole generation of YOUR family lays. I am part of this family as well, but not by blood. I am your body guard and your companion since the day you were born,” he said.  
Ok, if you someone said that, wouldn’t you be freaked and happy at the same time?? What expression would you make if you found out that something like that was even freaking possible?!?!  
“What the hell is going on here??” I asked looking around. I’m more creeped out than I ever was before!   
“Shut the hell up!” he answered, covering my mouth with one of his hands making me face him.   
All of a sudden he’s being creepy, and now he’s pissed at me for talking. He MUST be bipolar. Some bodyguard attitude….  
“Um, sorry. It’s been awhile since I’ve talked to someone, and still hearing someone speak gets me angry,” he replied from the look of disgust on my face.  
*Ritsuka*  
“I can’t believe I sent her those 2 letters! I can picture her face now, crying and angry saying she hated me and didn’t ever want to see me again. I wanted to do this for her, yet I think I did the wrong thing.”  
“Ritsuka! Time for dinner!” my mom called from downstairs.  
“Coming!” I yelled, putting away my books I had gotten out and headed downstairs.  
*After dinner*  
I walked to my room and sat on my bed. Great, she’s going to kill me when I see her next time. This isn’t what I wanted- this was never what I wanted her to feel. I am now going to lose her because I sent her those two goddamn letters! Claire is everything to me, and because of my stupidity I’m going to lose her.


End file.
